Dobbie Wellness
May 10, 20203 min
Updated: Aug 28, 2022
At some point in our lives we develop a picture of who we are supposed to be. We are loaded down with shoulds. How we should to look, who we should marry, what marriage should to look like, what we should be do for a career, what our kids should be doing. We determine our sense of self by a set of rules, rules defined by external factors. Many of which do not serve our highest good and may have little to do with our actual desires of who we want to be and how we want to operate in this world. In fact, this blueprint of shoulds keeps us feeling badly about ourselves. We compare ourselves to this blueprint and to the images we see around us of friends, family and media personalities. No matter what we do we can’t measure up to this image. We get into a cyclical pattern of trying to get, to be, to have, to do and we lose sight of our true nature, our true desires and most importantly we lose sight of the gift that we are, just as we are. The first step in loving ourselves is to be more kind, to be encouraging, to stop the negative self-talk and become a cheerleader of our lives. Begin to take note of how you speak to yourself. What your inner dialogue is. Notice the words used and the labels. If you find that the self talk is of a negative and down putting nature begin to shift these. Cancel the thought or statement as it comes into your head and reframe it to something more nurturing and loving. Do this often!
1. Let go of the judgements and negative self-talk.
2. Accept your humanity, and humanness, accept yourself as you are. Cut yourself some slack. You are awesome, unique and the only one of you!
3. Be kind and loving to yourself. Daily, all day!
4. Take time for self-care and do nice things for yourself. Do something that feeds your soul. Spend time with a good book, in your garden, in the bubble bath, being creative, exploring nature, baking, biking, hiking, meditation, prayer, speaking to a good friend, eating nutritious food. Do something strictly because it nourishes you. Plan something every week or even daily that is a treat, supportive and nurturing and be fully present with the experience. Honor it, honor yourself.
5. Court yourself, be your own valentine for at least a month. Chocolates, flowers, a self-date at a restaurant of coffee shop, a trip to the museum, love notes, whatever makes you feel special and important.
6. Look yourself in the mirror, directly in your eyes and say I love you. Do this for 30 days.
7. Put your hand on your heart and breathe in feelings of unconditional love from wherever you feel Higher Love comes from, God, Buddha, The Creator, Spirit, Mother Earth, your cat, your grandmother, wherever you can. Feel the fullness of unconditional love breathe it deeply into your heart. Try this for 1-3 minutes daily.
8. Say no. Take inventory of your life and where you do too much that takes you away from your own needs cut back and begin to say no. Boundaries, put them on your own behaviors of doing and helping that are energy leaks which hold you back from doing more that serves you. If you are not rested, properly fed, working to keep stress at bay, you won’t have the resources to draw upon to do what you need to do. Put your own oxygen mask on before you help the person sitting next to you.
9. Give yourself more time, time to get to your destination, time to do tasks, time with people you love, time in the shower. Often, we rush around and never are really present with what we are doing or are stressed out by the getting there. Slow it down.
10. Forgive. Forgive yourself and others. Or as Iyanla Vanzant says “Forgive Everyone for Everything”. She has an awesome book. Or try Ho-Oponopono. A Hawaiian method for reconciliation and forgiveness. Forgiveness is essential. Nuf said!
Go forth and and treat yourself like you would the most important person in the world.